Movie News : Bill and Ted’s Mid-Life Crisis
A few weeks after Keanu confirmed that a script for a third Bill and Ted movie was in the process of being finished, co-star Alex Winter recently tweeted that he now had the finished article in hand. The screenplay has been written by Chris Matheson and Ed Solomon, who also penned the first two outings, but as yet no plot details have been confirmed. It would appear though that the film is indeed powering ahead and the Wyld Stallyns will once again be bringing the rock to a screen near you.
I can’t help but feel a little bit apprehensive about this however. Other franchises that were rebooted for a 21st Century audience haven’t proved especially successful. Terminator and Indiana Jones being prime examples. There was something distinctly late 80’s and early 90’s about Bill and Ted and the Heavy Metal slacker characters being very much a product of their time. Presumably however, given the lead actor’s current age they won’t be playing their younger selves and will instead be adult versions of Ted Theodore Logan and Bill S. Preston.
Maybe they will be embarrassing dad’s with leather jackets, Megadeth T-shirts and bandanna’s to hide their bald patches. Each will have gloomy emo kids who don’t appreciate the genius of Eddie Van Halen and foolishly don’t believe that a KISS song can change the world. Ted now suffers from a crippling alcohol addiction that began when his medieval queen-wife killed herself because she couldn’t adjust to modern life and had a break down at the concept of Argos. Bill has to work a second job as a greeter at Wal-Mart to make ends meets and bores all the kids who work there with tales about how he was always destined to save the world one day and used to hang out with the Grim Reaper. “You kids still like Pearl Jam right?”
Chances are this won’t be the direction the new movie takes as harsh reality rarely has a place in light-hearted time travelling adventures. There has been some vague allusions to the plot by Keanu himself , who stated the following: “When we last got together, part of it was that Bill and Ted were supposed to have written the song that saved the world, and it hasn’t happened. So, they’ve now become kind of possessed by trying to do that. There’s an element of time and they have to go back.” This doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me since at the end of Bogus Journey they came back to the present day and performed said song to an international TV audience. That was in the early nineties. How can they still be struggling to write a song that was on TV and presumably recorded by the TV station. Surely at the very least a viewer could hum them the tune.
Anyway, it awaits to be seen what the film will involve, but I hope they tread very carefully and don’t ‘Lucas’ all over a cherished childhood movie. I dread to think that this will become a trend. Maybe we’ll see the Goonies returning to the boondocks for a reunion after Chunk’s funeral due to his chronic obesity and inevitable heart disease. Maybe a Labyrinth sequel where Jennifer Connelly returns to the Goblin King’s realm only to find he’s now on the run from the authorities over charges of gross indecency and inappropriate relations with young teenage girls. Finally we may see a fourth Back to the Future where a middle aged Marty and a geriatric Doc travel through time completing the Doc’s bucket list before he guns it up to 88mph for the final time.
I am approaching this forthcoming adventure with extreme caution. George Lucas has a lot to answer for.